“Two Pussies on the Bed”

Buffy Hamerton, 2000

Acrylic on canvas

Give up, give in, roll over, perform!

She says yes I will. Of course I do!

The kitty says no I don’t. I won’t. Would you?

K.L.

“Getting Really High”

Rudy Maxa, 1985

Oil on canvas

Rising from the grave, the boners of the elderly …

Zeus’s sexual desires, a 55-gallon drum of lube, a tribe of warrior women…

Daddy’s belt, my inner demons, an M16 assault rifle…

A zesty breakfast burrito, five-dollar foot longs, big enough to share…

Hot people, Vikings, catapults…

Opposable thumbs, friction, active listening…

A man in yoga pants with a ponytail and feather earrings, just the tip…

Pretending to care, support structure is needed, the great depression…

C.A.H.

“Big Bosomed Bertha the Daisy Bagger”

Eve DiParadiso, 2002

Oil on canvas

Recovering from a double root canal Bertha spends a day naked in the field picking flowers. A full body second-degree sunburn will take her mind off her jaw pain.

K.L. and J.C.

"Holding Up the Sky"

Sri Bubbba Longjohn, 1960

Acrylic on unstretched canvas

Created by the innovative yoga master/artist, Sri Bubba Longjohn, this work illustrates his unconventional approach to combining couples calisthenics with yoga. The symmetrical stability of the work, the wide-open pure blue sky and putting green lawn create an air of tranquility. This piece was one of 12 that graced the reception area of the master’s yoga school for decades. It now serves as a cheery bedspread in MCBAG’s guest bedroom.

K.L.

“Nimrod Gets His Rock Off”

Nimrod Diaz, 1970

Oil on canvas

For generations artists have been painting their dreams as a means to explore the mindscape of their psyche. In this painting a vulnerable Diaz portrays himself with a confused mish mash of feelings. On one hand looking like a defender of ancient Troy, he is clearly a superior specimen of naked masculinity. On the other hand he is a heavily pelted, lice ridden fellow with a severely deformed left forearm and no genitals or sandals. Alone, he sweats and frowns in the blazing sun, neither building nor dismantling the wall, but locked forever in a rigid stance of his own making.

K.L.

"Don't Leave Home Without It"

Ignatz Astrolux, 2002

India ink, charcoal on shitty cheap paper

John realized, too late, that he had left his junk back at his apartment.

K.L.

“The Groupie”

Nimrod Diaz, 1966

Oil on canvas

Looking sadly tense, and missing an ear, 9 months pregnant Mary Magdalene stumbles to the outhouse for the 4th time that night. What a fool she was to believe his lines about being the “Son of God” and ”I’ll save you a place in heaven, baby, right next to me.” I mean, Jesus! Any girl would have spread 'em for the Son of God! He had promised her a part in the big story that his friends were going to write about him. He said it would be a best seller for hundreds of years with a shit ton of residuals and that she would be the subject of famous paintings, and something called “movies” many years in the future. Now he’s gone and she is left with a big belly, an annoying light behind her head, and a scar on her jaw where some self-righteous bastards at the market place tried to stone her.

K.L.

"When Speeches Aren't Enough"

9 Florence, 1970

Watercolor on paper

Who is she and where is she going with the giant over stuffed sausage casing draped like a meat shawl over her shoulder? She is none other than the famous 1970’s butchers’ union organizer, Maria Macellaio, on her way to a labor rally where she will give one of her famous speeches entitled “The Joys of Nude Chicken Chopping” or “How to Avoid Freezer Burn in the Meat Locker”. Typically packing them in, she undoubtedly will have no trouble getting the union brothers’ attention with her Mona Lisa smile and focused charismatic gaze.

K.L.

“The Guarantee”

Del Jackson, 2008

Crushed wooden petanque balls on Egyptian sailcloth

“Are they small hands? And he referred to my hands if they’re small, something else must be small,” he said. I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee you.”

K.L./D.T.